Shadow Work with Chelsie Skowyra
The Jordan Lang Podcast: Episode 03
Trigger Warning: teen suicide, trauma, and mental health
Welcome to episode 3 of the Jordan Lang Podcast! We are continuing season 1’s theme of emotional and mental wellness with today’s episode which is a conversation on Shadow Work with Chelsie Skowyra.
Chelsie is a spiritual therapist and reiki master who bridges the gap between psychology and spirituality to provide support for anyone on a journey of self-exploration. She is a Pisces Sun, Capricorn Moon, Pisces Rising with a love for the ocean, curating playlists, and writing. She currently lives in Michigan with her husband and nine year old dog, Jiffy
As a reminder, this conversation with Chelsie is Part 2 of a 2-part conversation. In our first chat, we discuss Spiritual Therapy. Chelsie has had formal training as family + marriage therapist, but after years of practicing, she experienced burnout + secondary traumatic stress. In her transition out of this work, she had a spiritual awakening.
Introduction
Shadow Work. It’s one of those things that needs further clarification, isn’t it. Maybe you’ve heard of it before; maybe it’s something you regularly practice. Maybe it’s something you’re hearing about for the first time. If so, it can sound kind of scary for some people. You hear “shadow work” and someone might think “what the fuck are you doing?”
If that’s you, keep reading…and listening or watching!
Q: What is shadow work and who is it for?
Chelsie shares that shadow work is the art of either accepting, transmuting, integrating or releasing the deepest parts of the self - whether that’s “negative” parts of the self that you see as too much or not enough. She goes on to say that one thing people don’t realize about shadow work is that it’s about your gifts or your light that you keep hidden deep underneath everything.
There’s a difference between EGO and the SHADOW. To Chelsie, the shadow is the part of the self that holds the pain, the trauma. Whatever it is that’s the core of what you’re believing. The ego is what’s making meaning out of the pain. So when we’re doing the shadow work, our higher self and our conscious part makes the meaning of the experiences; it’s important to acknowledge that ego’s not the enemy.
For me personally, when I first started practicing shadow work, I had a family member express concern with, “you’re not doing anything you shouldn’t be doing, right?” I explained how the shadow in “shadow work” is parts you want to keep hidden, that you don’t want to talk about because it’s scary or you’re ashamed of it, or maybe not even aware of it because it’s so deep in the subconscious. In my explanation, I had to be sure to express that shadow work is NOT some sort of crazy, demonic practice.
Chelsie experienced something similarly where she was asked if she was practicing black magic. NOPE. She was just trying to heal her shit ;)
Q: How does someone begin practicing shadow work?
Chelsie shares that the number 1 tool you need to begin is WILLINGNESS. The willingness to go into the practice without judgment. She shares that this is research, an experiment; you’re just seeing what’s there and you don’t have to judge it.
Chelsie’s Mini Shadow Work Practice
• Just grab your journal and all you need to do is write on the top of the page: what does my shadow want me to know today?
• Then do a little meditation or sit in silence for 30 seconds or listen to a playlist.
• Let yourself get into that space where you’re reminded of some type of way…and then just write. See what comes up from that one prompt.
• Then after that ask: what does my higher self want me to do with this information?
She makes sure to share an important tip for after you’ve finished shadow work: always engage in some type of self-care. She explains how important it is to balance everything out and that it’s as simple as just grabbing rose essential oil and putting it on to heal and integrate everything you just experienced in your shadow work practice.
I can attest to the importance of this! When I first started with shadow work, I wasn’t mindful of the integration piece. I would feel extremely heavy and couldn’t shake it; I’d be way more depressed than I should be, all because I didn’t integrate everything and release + let go of what came up.
“Shadow work is an all vibes welcome experience.” - Chelsie Skowyra
I absolutely love how Chelsie touches on this work not being “good or bad” feelings or emotions. I’ve learned that there’s no good or bad - just ALL emotions. They’re all okay to feel and they all have a purpose.
Chelsie agrees and says that so many people hesitate to start this work. A pattern she’s noticed is that people get into spirituality and find Law of Attraction and manifestation and all they do is believe they can say, “I am worthy and all of my wildest dreams will come true,” which she was there too! It’s common in these circles to say, “No. I don’t want to feel my feelings.” But, we’re always manifesting from our core, deepest parts of ourselves, aka our shadow, so sometimes we’re manifesting from a wounded place because we didn’t take the time to see what was even there.
When you enter into the world of spiritual and new age…I won’t call it BS, but it can be depending on where you land. There’s the love and light, LOA, high vibes only crowd which is toxic AF. That’s not really how it’s meant to be all of the time because there IS that shadow side, the wounded side. In order to manifest, you have to deal with that shit too. You have to work through those things.
I listened to The Simple Ayurveda Podcast episode with Shivani talking about manifestation. Shivani talks about how when you’re manifesting things, the Universe is going to bring up all of these things in order to allow you to grow into the person you’re supposed to be in order to receive what you’re manifesting. You have to heal these pieces of you in order to become the person you’re meant to be to receive. It’s SO powerful how it all works together.
Q: What are the benefits? Short term + long term.
Chelsie shares that shadow work can help us finally answer the question: why do I do the things that I do?
Those moments when you react and you’re wondering why you ALWAYS feel a certain way or behave a certain way. She shares that shadow work helps you define those answers. There’s this who research of energy in the shadow.
I believe that when we take the time to sit with our shadow, we create more space for light to integrate. - Chelsie Skowyra
She goes on to say that understanding these things about ourselves allows us to better understand and accept ourselves. Then we can not be afraid of bad days, but to view it as a gift of shadow work. To know that we have a process for the bad days and that our shadow wants us to experience it for a reason.
Q: How does shadow work and Spiritual Therapy go together?
Chelsie shares how a lot of shadow work things are attributed to Carl Jung. Although she’s never rad any of his books, she’s seen the quotes. When she first began her journey, she had this overwhelming message from her guides saying to not pay attention to what any else is saying, that she’s meant to have this process, and to trust them in it.
She says these two areas blend so beautifully because it’s the invitation to the self to go to that deep level. Sometimes we can be resistant to go to those deep levels, so to be able to give the self permission in a safe, held space can be really special.
Chelsie personally resonates with Narrative Therapy the strongest in that we’re the stories that we tell. She asks:
What stories are your shadow telling?
What stories are there?
How can we (with meaning making) have that mean something beautiful?
Q: How has shadow work made an impact on you personally?
[In this portion of the conversation, Chelsie goes into a personal story of an experience she had as a teenage in which intuition guided her to save a friend who was attempting suicide.]
Chelsie shares how this experience messed her up for a little bit and she told herself that whatever that gut feeling was, she didn’t want to experience it again. She said that she had repressed this memory and don’t know why she felt this way about all of the things coming up, especially with teenage suicide. then when she started to do the shadow work, she was instantly reminded of this memory and the role her intuition played within that memory.
She says that rather than the meaning of that memory being, “Life sucks. This is scary. Intuition is going to tell me fucked up things that will lead to this,” she was able to shift into saying, “No, this fuels me. My intuition saved this kids life.”
Without doing the shadow work around this feeling and experience, she would still have had that intuitive block and overwhelming feeling instead of feeling compassion and inspiration. She wouldn’t have known why she felt that way.
Q: Do you feel like there’s a certain age that comes up in shadow work?
For me personally, there’s usually this angsty teenager, angry AF at the world. A lot of my anger outbursts come from her and I have to go, “Okay, you’re angry right now. Let’s talk about it."
Chelsie agrees and says that it feels like puberty or whatever age you were when you started going through that feeling for the first time. She says it also lends to brain development; the five year old self isn’t too worried about how they’re meaning making, but the shadow self starts coming into existence with whatever that first traumatic memory is.
“I think it’s important for people to know when they’re going into shadow work that your shadow isn’t something you’re going to defeat, conquer, or overcome. It’s not something that’s wrong with you. The goal of the system is to protect you. - Chelsie Skowyra
I’ve come to learn that the shadow is part of you. It’s accepting who you are and being able to understand yourself even further. I’m learning that I usually react before doing the work. Then I do the work and learn to respond with love.
A massive thank you to Chelsie for sharing her personal experience and story. It’s an important one. We all maybe have experienced something in the past. I have a similar story which unfortunately didn’t end up as positively as hers did. I hadn’t thought about it in 20 years, so it’s interesting even what having a conversation about this does with bringing it up. It’s so important to do that inner work and to heal and not go about everyday as being sunshine and roses.
Chelsie agrees and says that’s why she loves doing shadow work with groups. She says that it helps you to remember something and to just know that you’re not weird or alone. Others have similar experiences and reactions. That benefit of self-acceptance through shadow work is huge.
Q: What would you say to someone who has never heard of shadow work before and may be hesitant or afraid to try it?
Chelsie closes out this conversation on shadow work saying that it comes to you exactly when you need it. If you’re starting to see, read, or be curious about it, shadow work is probably knocking on your door for a reason. She says to remember that the point of doing this work isn’t to remember what a terrible person you are. It’s to love yourself more. It’s to integrate, to accept.
“It is the inner work that leads to the lasting transformation that you wish would just happen through a positive affirmation” - Chelsie Skowyra.
Mmmm, so much truth in that.
To conclude this episode…
Another massive THANK YOU to Chelsie for this much needed conversation on shadow work. Remember that it’s not scary or something you should put off. It’s just a piece of the human experience, getting to know yourself and love yourself even further though this work.
I hope that you enjoyed listening/watching/reading. If you have any questions or feedback, I would love to connect with you! Feel free to share a comment below, send me an email, or rate + review The Jordan Lang Podcast on iTunes.
Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for your love and support. I’m grateful for each of you listening and being here.
Sending you lots of love, xo
