Sobriety & Mental Health with Mei McIntosh
The Jordan Lang Podcast: Episode 05
Content Warning: Alcohol Abuse + Mental Health
Welcome to Episode 5 of the Jordan Lang Podcast! We are continuing Season 1’s theme of emotional and mental wellness with today’s episode which is a conversation on Mental Health and Sobriety with Mei McIntosh.
Mei is the founder of The Creative Sober, an online community of sober & sober-curious creatives. She founded the brand under her media company to create something meaningful, honest, and in service to others while encouraging collaboration.
The definition of business has been a progressive shift over the years. Mei thrived in corporate America and continually advanced into leadership positions but found that no matter what the title was or how much money she made, it underwhelmed and left them feeling empty.
Instead of executing hard lines of strategy, she now connects dots of possibilities and is conscious of approaching business that resonates with the highest good of everyone involved. There is a lot of vulnerability and sacrifice in that type of mindset, but the reward comes from continuous growth, soulful satisfaction, and abundance.
Introduction
I am excited to be bringing this conversation to you. It’s a much-needed topic of conversation, and timely as this is Mental Health Awareness Month.
Mei shares that they are original to Hawaiian Islands, which a background in corporate America. She is also a musician, business owner, and step-mom. This is her second time in recovery, and this sobriety journey right now is what shifted her business presently.
Mei and I go way back (14 years!) and have stayed connected through social media. It’s been so neat how we’ve both grown and the similarities in our spiritual journeys.
Q: Can you share a little bit about your journey?
Mei shares that this is their second time in recovery. The first time they were in recovery for 4 years and that was a place where prior to that, drinking and drugging was a common thing, coming with the party and music scene as a dj, and spending a lot of time in the San Francisco Bay area. Drinking was a common theme in her social circles.
It all began to fall apart. Mei says that she wasn’t feeling emotionally or mentally well, and was feeling disconnected from self. They started getting into trouble and their relationships weren’t working. She says that she just wasn’t present enough to be a good partner or friend. Then two days after Valentine’s Day, Mei said she was going to shift into sobriety. She got involved with a 12-step program, which she says are great building blocks for getting cleaned up and organized for how sobriety fits into everything.
They did this for about 4 years and then came to a point where they felt confident. Coming from a place of empowerment, Mei told her therapist, “I think I can drink. I think I can have a glass of wine with dinner or a beer or two.” She felt strong and confident and that she understood the concept of excessive drinking and what that looked like. Mei took control and thought they took their power back. The first three months were okay, then they fell apart and relapsed for 3 ½ years.
“If you look at our culture, alcohol is everywhere. it’ s ingrained in our rituals, our routine. It’s something we have when we’re enjoying. It’s something if we’re feeling down or wanting to check out. There’s so many ways to utilize alcohol and to have a drink, that for me it was just so easy to fall back into it. It was very accessible.” - Mei McIntosh
Mei shares that she found her neglecting what her emotional and mental needs were instead of addressing that and feeling them all the way through. Instead of asking for help or going to tools that they did previously learn, they were just reaching for a drink and wanted to go into a scene where they were checking out.
She says that she started finding herself at rock bottom. It wasn’t the same experience as the first time around, but it was close. Mei knew that if they didn’t decide to get sober again, it was going to be 10x worse than what they experienced before. She says that she felt like she was going to die; it was very spiritual awakening.
Then came July 1, 2019. Mei woke to Colorado sun…and this voice that was LOUD, that said “Mei, you need to stop. You need to stop now. You know what’s going to happen and you need to make that decision now,” She shares that after that day, it was this energy, this force that was pushing them - pull out the old books, looks for podcasts, find meetings, pull out the old resources. She says that it was a spiritual awakening for sure. One year and six months - 2 years in July. She says that she’s glad to be here and in her second time in recovery, and sees this as being a really long time.
Such a beautiful journey Mei has been on, right?? I share with them how they felt they were coming from a good place that first time around, and absolutely, using alcohol is so normalized, especially in this society. In that #momwinelife world. It’s so normalized. When we aren’t fully feeling or seeing through certain feelings or experiences that are coming up, alcohol can be used as a way to keep us numb. “It’s too hard to feel it so I’m going to numb it out,” is such a normalized thing.
Mei agrees and shares how when she was drinking it was easy to say, “Okay, I’ll deal with it later.” You say that enough time and you’ve got this mountain of crap you’ve got to address.
Q: Is there a connection between sobriety and mental health?
Without hesitation, Mei answers: 100%, absolutely. They say that they’re only realizing this even more so in recovery now. Even just understanding who they are better. In sobriety, you’re a lot more clear of what’s happening. That feeling may come up or you might have a trigger or something may change your focus, it’s there 100%. It’s clear. Whereas if she were foggy or having a drink, she might have missed the message or ignored it completely. Mei shares that for them, someone who’s prone to anxiety and depression, they can’t imagine drinking through those times and being able to come out the other side.
“Alcoholism is a disease; it will never go away. It’s a part of who I am. I’m learning to navigate along side of anxiety, depression and these other mental health experiences.” - Mei McIntosh
She believes that having alcohol at the end of the day is a poison that she’s putting into her body and that the two go hand in hand.
Sobriety in general is a very vulnerable topic. If you go into these communities, mental health, emotional well-being, wellness, it’s all very talked about. It’s very open. Sobriety and mental health go together all the time. It’s a very common thread for all of it.
My husband is sober. With his anxiety and medication he’s on, it’s the best decision for him. He’s okay if I have a drink, but since he made that decision, I personally find myself drinking less. I’ve found that when I was drinking more, I was using it as a way to escape — my responsibilities or the overwhelm of it all. The more inner work I’ve done and the more I’ve focused on my mental health, the less I’ve felt like I needed to fall back on having a drink…or several.
Mei says that they’ve noticed even mental health and wellness and emotional well-being really is such a beautiful thing how it all comes together. It really pulls in this spiritual aspect of it too because you have those other things running and transparent and clear and you have that spirituality come into play too. She shares that with spirituality to sobriety also, she’s received a lot clearer messages and downloads and her intuition, and that whole gut-feeling, it hasn’t steered her wrong. Since July 1, 2019, they’ve been going with that compass and they’re so grateful they chose to live a clearer life.
It’s so beautiful knowing Mei’s journey and their shift as a business owner and shifting that way because now they’re able to use their personal experience in such a positive way to help others who are on that journey, and into discussing ways that they’re able to help others who are maybe on a similar journey themselves but maybe don’t know where to start or who to reach out to, or like with Covid this past year, not being able to have that in-person connection. She’s been able to use her experience and shift, her sobriety, and spiritual journey to positively impact other people in such a massive way. It’s been beautiful for me to see.
Q: Do you feel like you’ve been able to help others through your experience?
Mei says that it really seems that way. She’s working on embracing all of it but at the same time, doesn’t know if they need to or if it’s their place. For her, Mei finds safety in service, so if it’s through a platform, community or 1:1, if she can help anyway she can, she will. That’s where she’s at.
Speaking about The Creative Sober, that’s something that came to fruition as a commitment to Mei’s sobriety. It’s said that the first year of sobriety is always the hardest and the most confusing and the most raw. You don’t know where you’re going, who you are, just where to go. It’s just all new. At the same time your mind and body are healing up, so there’s this purging that happens; and then when you hit the first year, you’re like “okay, now what?” There’s this opening and for Mei, they know that they find safety in service. So she asked, “what can I do to keep me engaged that stimulates my creativity that allows me to help others through my story, so then the creative sober happened that way.” They wanted to created a group and make some friends on Instagram and the rest is history. Then the pandemic hit and the online community became more important and valuable and a safe space to be who they are.
Q: What are the most difficult aspects for someone seeking support with their sobriety?
Mei shares that there’s this misconception about sobriety - it’s the one that always stands out - and it’s that you have to be at the bottom of your life, have to lose your job, go to jail, the extreme levels of what alcoholism is. And that's not true. For someone to choose sobriety, that’s a personal choice.
She once heard that “rock bottom is when you stop digging.” So you don’t have to be on the very bottom, you don’t have to stop digging. You hear “I’m training for a marathon” or “I’m pregnant, so that’s why I’m not drinking.” And that makes sense.
“For someone to be conscious and understand what alcohol is and what it does to the body spiritually and mentality, it’s profound. It’s literally ethanol that you’re putting in your body. It’s very low-vibe. It blocks you vibrationally, spiritually, connecting to higher-source. It’s a low vibe thing to be putting in your body. That’s what it was for me.” - Mei McIntosh
They go on to share how the struggle for someone who’s looking to be sober is the thought of, “I don’t have a problem. Do I have to be sober.” It doesn’t have to be a problem, it’s a choice.
There are resources for support or even knowledge. There are so many more than when Mei was first in recover. She says that back then it was just a 12 step program and you go to meetings. It was very rigid and almost some outdated parts that aren’t really relevant for her now. Now there are coaches, online communities, sober community on Instagram. There are so many places that now you can look to that type of knowledge and they think that’s the first part. Really addressing where you’re at; recognizing your relationship with alcohol and looking for the resources that work for you.
She says that it’s important to do the research and ask questions about yourself and what it is that you’re looking to for that support. For her, she has to keep in the forefront WHY she’s sober, and needs to embody that, even to the point of when they wake up each morning, it’s a conscious choice, “I’m going to be sober today.”
Q: What is one thing you’d like listeners to know about those who choose sobriety + how to continue their support in a positive way?
Mei says that the best thing is to be a support. Sobriety is such a personal experience. If they want to share, they will. If they don’t, well, it’s a boundary thing and that’s also important. If you’re inviting that friend or family member over, offer a non-alcoholic option while you open the bottle of wine. It’s nice to ask what their comfort level is. Ultimately it’s up to them whether they decide if they're coming to the party or share what they’re comfortable with. The best thing you can do is just support the person where they're at.
I totally agree with Mei on this. With Brian being sober, my family has been very supportive. I shared with them that he no longer drinks and so my family now provides his favorite pop to have when he’s over. It’s that understanding and accommodation and that thinking of, “I’m not choosing that for myself, but I understand and acknowledge that’s your choice.”
Mei shares that it’s a two-way street. Some who are choosing sobriety may not be open to sharing, and how there are environments especially in the entertainment world where she wouldn’t necessarily lead with, “I’m a sober DJ.”
Q: If you could give some advice to someone listening in right now who may be struggling with their sobriety or wanting to become sober, what would it be?
Mei says that they can only speak from their experience, but that when becoming sober and wanting the help, let alone knowing what the first step is, really lean into deciding that you do want sobriety.
“It is really truly about the baby steps. For me, that looked like going every minute, every 30 mins, every hour, one day at a time, and eventually growing the confidence that she can do it. It’s the beginning stages of really giving yourself grace and even having a little moment of celebration.” - Mei McIntosh
You know the fact you’re thinking about it, it’s something you’re wanting. There’s a calling there’s a reason, so applying action to that will come based on what you need and what healing you need, what sobriety looks like for you. All of those resources will come.
Mei emphasizes to really think about sobriety and whatever you want it. And to look for the resources:
— 12 step program - google it.
— Go onto your fav social media app (Instagram has a great sober community!)
— Look where you might find a pocket or people who might be speaking your language.
Asking questions and doing the research is what worked for Mei. questions and look for that. It’s what worked for me.
To conclude this episode…
Another massive THANK YOU to Mei for this important conversation on Sobriety and Mental Health!
I hope that you enjoyed listening/watching/reading. If you have any questions or feedback, I would love to connect with you! Feel free to share a comment below, send me an email, or rate + review The Jordan Lang Podcast on iTunes.
Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for your love and support. I’m grateful for each of you listening and being here.
Sending you lots of love, xo
